How would you define unconditional love?
For many, love is pure self-love. They like the idea that unconditional love is the deeper meaning of life, the reason we exist. They are in love with the word “love”, but only with themselves.
When they move a little further from themselves and open up to others, offering supposed love, it often lasts as long as an average candle. The candle slowly begins to go out the moment the opposite party decides to behave in a way that does not suit them. The way they don’t like, or don’t want. They don’t like a certain procedure, or way of thinking, and until yesterday everything was supposed to be fine.
Love begins to be conditioned by something. Suddenly, quite unexpectedly, an ultimatum is issued.It’s an often seen scenario, or rather a cliché that sounds like this:
- “If you keep acting like that, we’re done.”
- “If you don’t continue like this, everything will be okay.”
- If there is a break in contact, the famous phrase “I don’t love you anymore” comes to the fore!
Could we define this as the magic word “love”, or rather not?
If we love someone, really, how can we suddenly stop loving them?
If you love someone – you love them, you simply love because you are happy for the simple fact that this person exists, and if you don’t – then you don’t love, neither have you loved, nor will you love.
True love knows no ultimatum.
The ultimatum in love is similar to a classic ‘if then’ programming maneuver. It’s like it’s about work, not love. “If you do something for me, then I will do something for you. If you love me and behave like this, then I will love you too.”
It’s as if we’re talking about business, and not about the so-called love that many refer to, but don’t understand. They just say that word, or they read something about it, but they didn’t really know and truly understand it.
Everyone wants to be loved, but most will not love, and finally let me tell you a story about true love.
Unconditional love in Portugal
I won’t bore you with the details of why I went to Portugal, but I’ll just tell you that there was one seminar. Something like a student exchange for young people from all over the Europe.
I traveled from Bosnia and Herzegovina, where I’m from by the way. Only I was admitted to that seminar from my country, so I traveled alone.
I landed in Lisbon and there were people gathered at the airport, as I said, from all over Europe, participating in the same event. We met there and after that the bus from the airport took us to a small and incredibly cute village called “Vila da Marmeleira”.
Only 450 people live in that village. On one occasion, after the lecture, my roommate and I played soccer with the Portuguese. That evening I met a lot of unusual and creative people from many countries. We talked about all possible topics, and we also touched on the famous topic that the world revolves around the most.
Particularly interesting moments during hours of philosophizing were related to a conversation between a local young couple and me.
The conversation unfolded as if it were a travelogue, as I asked them questions related to their private lives, and they were happy to answer them.
Their philosophy of love was particularly interesting to me, and they base what they are, as they say, on the basis of certain beliefs that formed them as such. She is a Christian, and he is an agnostic and a philosopher.
“How long have you been together?” – by their body language, it was clear that both of them would answer my question at the same time.
“Two years! – they answered at the same time.
“I’m really happy for you.” – I followed up on their reply.
“Do you really love each other or are you together out of boredom?” – I asked them directly without detours.
“We love each other with eternal love.” – she answered, and he nodded to agree what she said.
“How would you define love?” – This question is very important to me.
“Love is when you love someone exclusively for them and love them unconditionally.” – she said.
“The Lord Jesus Christ is whom she believes and in whom she believes, but I personally don’t, he said that we should love our friends as well as our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.” – he answered.
“It’s easy to love those who love you, but come to love with those who don’t love you.” – he continued.
That sentence bought me.
“…and because of her and what she believes in, I slowly feel more and more love even for unknown people, and so for her, of course. I love her the way she is, and I love her regardless of her faults and virtue.” – he added.
I love you with eternal love.” – she adds.
“I love you too.” – answers her.
“When I have God in my heart, then I love all people without reason. I love them personally, as God loves us unconditionally. All of them individually.” – she added again.
“Many people have a subjective relationship with us and supposedly love us, but in fact they only love themselves, or they love us because of that unconditional love that sounds so good, or they like us because of some particular interest or security that we provide to each other, but that’s not love. Love is when you love someone unconditionally, without a special classic reason, just because of what that person is, and not to love the illusion of that person in your head.” – he continued.
“Exactly! That illusion is you, not that person, they don’t project themselves to others. Love is not like that. Love is benevolent, it doesn’t seek interest, it only loves, it believes and hopes for everything, it bears everything patiently, it does not remember the evil of others, it easily forgives them, it never rejoices in evil and injustice, it is not rude, it rejoices in the truth, it loves it, it loves everyone and is not conditioned by the behavior of others. It just loves.” – she answers at the end.
“I have nothing to add except all the best to you people. I’m happy for you.” – I continued.
True love is not conditioned by the behavior of others
This is true and sincere, unconditional love, without hidden and cunning ultimatum.
It is natural, pure, honest and perfect. As with children, but this time adults and matures.
Whoever loves simply loves and can’t stop loving no matter what. Such a person is not influenced by the behavior of others. They just love them and there’s nothing I can do to change that.
If he allegedly stops loving them, then they never truly loved.
In that case, they loved only an illusion which is a reflection of their own self-love that manifests itself in every possible form of selfishness, pride and a garbled concept of love.